So as I accept my fate, I am in fact in my mid-twenties *sob* I have also accepted something I refused to believe for ages.
Not all friends are good friends.
There’s probably only a handful of people that I am really close to. I know some people enjoy and prefer being mega popular, having loads of friends, dipping fingers in various friendship group pies, but that’s not for me. I would rather give all of my weirdness and annoying-ness to a small group, and have a smaller number of really great friends. Yeah, growing up, there has been a lot of others along the way, and they all serve their purpose, school, work etc, but then there are a lot of those people who just downright suck.
So, here’s some back story for those of my darling fiance’s friends who are too ignorant to actually get to know me without making assumptions, because clearly two years together, a house, an engagement and a baby isn’t enough to convince you how much I love this man.
I know some of you know this. I swear some of you just choose not to believe it. I don’t know why, maybe because you were in the same friendship circle (seriously, are you like five?) or you’ve just heard through chinese whispers, but whatever. My ex was violent towards me. He’d hit me, push me, pin me against doors/walls, he threw a plate at me once and it hit our son. He locked me in my house for three days. He ripped the landline from the socket and stole my mobile phone. I hit him back, twice, and I gave up, because it never worked. The neighbours rang the police. People who used to be my friends called the police on him, because I managed to call them whilst he was assaulting me. Anyone who wants to call me a liar on this, I dare you, because unlike the people running their mouth, I can provide you with evidence, photos, the case notes to check my son was safe. I didn’t put up with social workers, police, family support workers for nothing. Everything was noted, written down and a case was made. He has a caution for assault against me, because I CHOSE not to continue to press charges for the sake of our son. The police issued that caution, because some crimes can actually have repercussions whether the person agrees or not. Although we maintain a civil relationship now, for the sake of Thomas, I can’t hide from the truth, not when hiding it has caused so many people to make incorrect judgements on my life for the past 2.5 years.
When he left, and I started trying to get my life back together, the only man in my life who wasn’t family, who was genuinely concerned for me and Thomas, and not just seeing how far he could get, was Elliott. There were others who pretended to care, said they were there for me, and practically offered me the world on a plate. The ones who were full of shit, that didn’t mean a word they said, who were only interested in one thing. Back then I didn’t see it. I genuinely thought they cared, I was so so wrong.
It took just under a year for me to be brave enough, but Elliott helped me to move. I had no money, no savings or anything and I’m not ashamed to admit that Elliott lent me the money to be able to move out of that horrible house. We’d just got back from a festival, and with all the drama that took place in the 6 months before, I decided, I needed to get out of that place, too many bad memories. Elliott and my best friend (at the time) helped me to pack my stuff, pack Thomas’ stuff too and move me to somewhere where I had a bigger support network.
After I’d lived here for a few weeks, I realised that Elliott was more than a friend to me now. Yes, it sounds cliche as anything, but I’d fallen in love with him. It had been 8 months since I’d left my ex. Elliott and I began a relationship. We moved in together fairly quickly, and then soon after I fell pregnant. ON PURPOSE. Shock horror guys, we decided to move that fast. I didn’t trap him, it wasn’t an accident, we decided to try for a baby. Didn’t expect it to happen that quickly, but it did. We had to sell our stuff to buy baby essentials, we had to get a bigger car, but not once was Elliott forced to do anything he didn’t want to. He was so excited to be a Dad. He is an amazing Daddy. He has done a fantastic job in helping and supporting me to raise Thomas and Ivy-Joan.
Elliott was happy. He still freaking is. He proposed to me in June this year. We’ve just celebrated our second anniversary. We’re getting married in less than 11 months. We’re planning another baby after the wedding.
Elliott has supported me through our relationship in so many ways, I won’t go into details, but when I’ve been ill especially. And I’ve supported him too.
But where were his so called friends? The ones who claimed to never be too busy for him, those who claim to value Elliott as a friend. Too busy soaking up the bullshit assumptions about me that they’d made. Couldn’t even answer a text, a phonecall, Facebook message, anything. Yes, I’m fiery, I have an extremely short fuse and my bark is just as bad as my bite. But at least I can say, I’ve been there for Elliott when he’s needed me. When he’s been down and depressed, when he’s had a shit day at work, when he’s just needed an ear to listen, I was there. Even a WhatsApp message would have sufficed, but of course ignoring someone is the best way to show you care..
Elliott never intended to ‘break the code’. It just happened. And has he suffered for it? Yes. He’s suffered for our relationship and our happiness these last 2 years. Instead of some of his friends, the ones who live near, had the opportunity to see Elliott, to meet our daughter, actually being good friends and accepting his choices, they blanked him, they cut him out, they stopped seeing him, because they couldn’t accept him being with me. But when others intentionally tried to break this lame code, just for the title of being able to get with their friends ex, nothing was said, no-one gave a shit. Because they’re hypocrites. They’re judgemental, bitchy little men who have nothing better to do with their time then judge good people who have had a difficult time in life.
I met some of Elliott’s decent friends from further up country last weekend. I’m hoping that now they’ve met me, they can make their own judgements on me, rather than the ones his fake friends have portrayed of me. Yeah, I may have lost my temper in a drunken state and hit one of them, (should probably say sorry, but now they’ve met me, I’m making them accept my stubborness) but they now know that I’m not this psycho, ball and chain I’ve been made out to be, Elliott is still Elliott, he’s just had a few priority changes and grown up a bit, and that I am me, but not the me they’d been pre-warned about, and like his wise friend Robert told me last weekend, “If you can’t accept them as they are, then you don’t deserve to know them.”